When a parent sees their role as a “job”

This strikes me as an interesting question. Has it ever occurred to you? Have you ever found yourself thinking “this is the hardest job I’ve ever had?” Well, it didn’t occur to me until I had a heart-to-heart with my husband last month.

She was describing her typical day at home, the walk to school, the shopping spree, the school pick-up, the quick-cook dinners and the run to and from dance class. The time-pressed bedtime routine now when the clock passes 8:00 pm and you desperately wish those kids in bed with the lights off would do this again tomorrow. My husband is able to do all of this on a strict “every minute counts” schedule.

In his mathematical mind, he has reduced each activity to an equation of seconds and minutes, going from A to B to C, all the while counting down within himself. WOW!

I, on the other hand, am more relaxed. I have a schedule and I value “being present”. I allow time for discussion and time to slow down because sometimes kids need help getting in or out the door. I go less by the clock time and more by the rhythm of the day. I still do things on time.

A difference in views

This realization stopped me mid-conversation. I was really surprised and intrigued to notice this differentiation between us. So he feels that it is his “job” to take care of the children. He feels the same pressure to do chores and get the kids to places on time as he would to meet work deadlines and have a boss to check on his progress! He moves through the house with the same energy, speed, and determination as someone with great purpose.

But not me…

What “being a father” means to me

In my opinion, parenting is “a way of life.” I thing to be a father. I was lucky, blessed. I did it expecting to make sacrifices. I am a kind person by nature and feel that it is important to help others first. Being a parent is fun for me and it gives me a sense of pride and joy, and I wonder about the future.

While my laid-back nature exudes positivity and passion, it’s easy to see how others can feel overwhelmed.

The role of gender in parenting

So I was so intrigued to learn that my partner and I had such contrasting views on parenting that I started an unofficial research poll on social media.

I asked the parents who identified themselves as mothers and those who identified themselves as fathers to answer “yes” or “no” to whether or not they felt that parenting was a “job.”

What Other Parents Said: My Social Media Survey Results

My social media capture ended up being small, even though the survey was sent out across many platforms and many viewers. Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are the most used. I couldn’t design an official poll from my Facebook page, so I posted it as a comment of general interest.

Availability, interest and commitment seemed to be the main reason for the small sample size. He was still impressed by the results. I can’t wait to share the findings!

But first, a few things to note about limitations:

More people who identified as “Dad” responded to the survey overall than people who identified as “Mom.” (This may have skewed some of the results)
The sample sizes of both groups are small and may not be generalizable to larger populations with more equal sample sizes.

The survey simply captured people who wanted to respond and had time to do so during a limited 48-hour window.

Social media results from my survey: Do dads see paper as their “job”?

Social media results from my survey:

Over a 48-hour period, 8 people responded to my survey question “Do you consider parenting your ‘job’?

The results were 63% “yes” for dads!

Only 37% answered “no”.

Social media results from my survey: Do moms see paper as their “job”?
Social media results from my survey:

During a 48-hour period, only 5 people answered my survey question “Do you consider being a mother to be your ‘job’?

The results where only 20% “yes” for moms

The vast majority -80% answered “no”

Discussion of the results

So now I’m really curious! Why do men or people who identify with the role of “Dad” tend to see the role more as a “job” and why do women or people who identify as “Mom” largely not consider raising children a “job”? ?

It is due to longstanding outdated views that traditionally Dad would work outside the home, traditionally being industrious and probably the “breadwinner”.

Or is it just Dad’s thing, that it’s all work?

And similarly, why do most women or mothers NOT consider their role as a “job”?

Because we are traditionally the caregivers and the breeders of children?

Or because we are more likely to take time off from our actual work to care for children as needed? So does that change our idea of ​​what a “job” is for us?

The dynamic seems multifactorial, and unfortunately for my question, although a few people responded to the survey, no one left any comments. Feedback would have been really helpful in helping us understand what parents really think about their roles and why.

How the results influenced us

Looking at the results and reflection of our own personal discussion, my husband and I have changed a few things for ourselves. I feel like because my partner feels like they’re “always on,” even though they’re home, they don’t recharge in the same way I do.

You do better with a specific time to unwind at the end of the day, on your terms, in your own way. May you have your time. As a supportive partner, I help create and maintain this time for him.

As for me, I’m not so regimented. I recharge when I have 5 uninterrupted minutes to take a few sips of tea or coffee. I recharge in a few minutes of silence, or a few minutes of sitting on the couch before getting up to redirect my attention to the next full effort. Some people seem to work better with short, frequent breaks, and others seem to prefer long, consistent hard work and a long period of rest, safe in the knowledge that they won’t have to get up to go back to another round of “work.” “.

Once again, the old adage is true: a good relationship is all about commitment! When you take the focus off disagreements and work to adjust the niceties, you improve teamwork.

Hopefully these social media survey results will not only help my family, but yours too!

To view the survey results directly, visit Considering a Job as a Parent?