Being able to communicate effectively with others requires people skills, and here are eight essentials:

1. Understand people

Not only do people come in all shapes and sizes, they also have different personality types. You may want to brush up on how to communicate with the four main personality types by reading this article. In fact, dedicated communication students couldn’t do better than to buy Bem Allen’s excellent introduction to personality types, “Theories of Personality.”

People are individuals, with as many similarities from one person to another as there are differences. To communicate most effectively, each will require you to communicate with them in their own individual preference style, using their language, their body gestures, and their rhythm and intonation.

So how do you find out the best way to communicate with someone? Spend time with them! Don’t expect to meet someone on the street and speak intimately with them in a minute. Understanding a subject takes time, whether it is an academic subject or another human being.

2. Express your thoughts and feelings clearly

Our brains can only receive a certain amount of information at a time. We are bombarded with messages every second of the day, so to compete with the barrage of ‘noise’ a person faces, your message must be clear, concise, and direct.

It is worth taking the time to plan your communication, no matter what method you use, to ensure that you are taking the least amount of time possible to express the correct level of thought in the most receptive and simple way.

3. Speak up when your needs are not being met

As important in business relationships as in domestic ones, talking to ensure your needs are met is a critical part of any relationship.

You may want to read this article on assertive, non-aggressive communication, but simply put, there are six different ways you can be assertive and non-aggressive in your communication: by rehearsing your behavior before communication; repeating their communication (the ‘broken record’ technique); trot; ask for negative feedback; I try to agree with negative comments; and creating a viable compromise.

Assertiveness is a useful communication tool. Its application is contextual and it is not appropriate to be assertive in all situations. Remember, your sudden use of assertiveness may be perceived by others as an act of aggression.

4. Solicit feedback from others and give quality feedback in return.

Along with assertiveness techniques, giving and receiving feedback is a key communication skill that must be learned if you are to have any hope of developing long-term business relationships.

Toastmasters International teaches helpful feedback and a critical review technique: Give a heartfelt compliment first, follow up with practical suggestions for improvement, and then end with more heartfelt praise. It is known as ‘CRC’ or ‘Recommend, Recommend, Recommend’, a three-step model for excellence in delivering quality feedback.

Remember also that truthfulness is a subjective point of view. What you may find unpleasant in someone may be just as desirable from someone else’s point of view. As I learn, by experiencing a series of IRA atrocities in England and by observing the political and media reactions of the United States, one man’s terrorist is another’s freedom fighter.

5. Influence the way others think and act

We all have the opportunity to influence how others think and act. From Cialdini’s principles of persuasion to simple violence (verbal or physical in nature), every day we are able to shape the thoughts and actions of those around us.

From something as simple as smiling and saying “Hi!” As a way to influence someone’s state of mind, to lead by example during an intense period of change, there are many ways to lead or draw from other required behaviors and attitudes.

Remember that an attitude leads to an emotion, which in turn leads to an action. Shape attitudes and you’ll have a more reliable way to predict actions.

6. Bringing conflicts to the surface and resolving them

I confess: I am not a “natural” in conflict management. It takes marrying an existing family of three to help this only child come to terms with conflict.

It took me three years living with my family to realize that it is possible to coexist in conflict and not get personally involved. But it was not an easy lesson to learn, I can assure you!

But being a stepparent to teenage children has helped me learn the importance of bringing conflict and resentment to the surface where it can be more easily handled.

Your employees may harbor secret grudges towards you, and unless you find out what they are, and bring these ‘dark secrets’ out into the light of day, you will never be able to deal with them successfully.

It’s embarrassing, potentially humiliating, and requires a great level of patience not to jump straight into defensive mode, but giving people a chance to express their concerns, disappointments, and anger, face-to-face, gives you a great opportunity to fix things. . or help them see where their thoughts and feelings are out of place.

7. Collaborate with others instead of doing things alone

I’m surprised by this, but learning to delegate and share has been critical to growing my own business.

The quickest way to bury yourself in excess detail and workload is to try doing everything yourself. However, sharing the workload may be the smart thing to do. This is why:

‘To take advantage of’.

Leverage is taking your skills and abilities and allowing others to magnify your ability to work. You train them to do what you do and you do something else.

A bricklayer can only lay a certain number of bricks in an hour, but that same bricklayer can train 15 companions to lay bricks, and all of a sudden those 15 bricklayers are building monuments while the first bricklayer is securing more work for them.

As all 15 lay bricks, the original bricklayer can learn advanced masonry work, learn sales strategies, or learn supervisory skills.

The lesson is simple: try to do everything yourself and the “everything” will bury you; teach others to do what you do and build a monument.

Jesus taught 11 men how to do what he did. Then he left them to continue while he moved on to other things. From the simple act of one man teaching 11 others, a church and the largest and most influential religious movement the world has ever known was born.

8. Shift gears when relationships are unproductive

Sometimes you need to get away. Sometimes you need to get rid of unhealthy cargo. And sometimes you need to take drastic steps to regain your balance and momentum.

‘Shifting gears’ can be as simple as shifting your supervisory meeting location from a dark office to a nearby café. Sometimes the meeting can be moved immediately after lunch to first thing the next morning, when clearer ideas may prevail.

Sometimes it may mean increasing the level of assertiveness to ensure that the point you are making is received. Sometimes it may mean bringing others to the meeting so that the other person understands the implications of their attitudes or actions.

And sometimes it can mean helping them find a more meaningful and fulfilling role outside of their sphere of influence.

As a management psychologist, I clearly remember one organization I consulted with: the only way out of a staffing stalemate was to remove impediments to progress. Which meant helping key players find new jobs outside of the organization. Sometimes a culture change can only be accomplished quickly by bringing in completely new equipment and throwing away the dead wood. But only as a last resort.

conclusion

The idea of ​​being a skilled person is knowing or finding how to bring out the best in others in any situation, rather than the worst. By mastering these eight essential soft skills, you will dramatically increase your chances of achieving the best results from your business interactions and challenges.