Falling in love is wonderful, but it’s really the easy part of any lesbian relationship. What takes work and commitment is maintaining that relationship even after the passion fades, which it probably will over time. Most experts agree that passionate love has a life expectancy of 2-4 years. Therefore, compatibility and mutual respect become more and more important as your partnership progresses. Here are some tips to help you. Most are applicable to any relationship, but lesbians have some specific concerns.

• Communication, communication, communication: Don’t let the little cracks in your relationship turn into insurmountable canyons! Let your partner know what she’s thinking about things big and small. If something bothers you, speak up. Problems cannot be solved unless you talk about it.
• Make time for each other: The demands of life will always get in the way. If you don’t schedule “Us” time, it probably won’t happen to you. Once an hour is blocked on the calendar, you both know to schedule other appointments around that hour. For example, you can block Friday nights as time you spend on your relationship.
• Keep it cool: You know how the saying goes, “Relationships take work.” Well, that’s true, but it doesn’t always have to have a negative connotation. If you introduce an element of surprise into your relationship, it really helps. Bringing flowers home without an occasion, making a reservation at your favorite restaurant, or suggesting an activity out of the ordinary really goes a long way in keeping your relationship interesting and vibrant.
• Grow together, not apart: A really effective way to keep your relationship strong is to have shared goals. Working with your partner on a project or plan for the future can bring you closer by increasing your time together and sharing thoughts, dividing responsibilities, and even resolving your areas of disagreement. Ideas can be as simple as joining a volunteer group or as complicated as buying and restoring an old house in the city!
• Maintain Healthy Outside Relationships: Difficulties with family and friends can really take a toll on the health of your relationship. Stay on good terms with the people who are important to your partner. Solve the problems that exist. Let your partner know that you recognize the importance of their friends and family.
• Sex and Intimacy: Avoid “lesbian death in bed” at all costs. Sex is an important part of your relationship. Sex is strongly related to intimacy, since the hormone oxytocin is released during the sexual act. That hormone is responsible for enhancing your feelings towards your partner and is essential for long-term bonding. Another powerful hormone, dopamine, is released when you engage in strenuous physical exercise. Dopamine is also believed to be responsible for feelings of passionate love. So if things are getting a little slow in the bedroom, try taking your partner out dancing before your next sexual encounter!
• Avoid The Green Dragon: Jealousy! Unfortunately, very common in the lesbian community, jealousy can ruin a relationship. Jealousy occurs when there is a lack of trust between partners. If you feel like you are being controlled by a jealous partner or that you are jealous, confront those feelings. Discuss with your partner why you feel threatened in the relationship and leave it behind! Get professional help if you need it.
• Commitment: You can’t always do things your way…and neither can your partner. Commitment involves keeping the relationship on even ground; keep the balance between you. One strategy is to rate internally how important an issue is to you when you disagree with your spouse. If you quietly brush off the problem as a 1 or 2, let it slide. If you rate the importance a 9 or 10, continue the dialogue and find a solution you can both live with.
• Stay Connected: Stay in touch with the lesbian/gay community. Unlike heterosexual couples, homosexuals have virtually no social support. Having other LGBT friends, attending LGBT events, and going to local clubs can really prevent the social isolation many of us endure.
• Maintain Good Health: Hey, nothing is sexier and more romantic than a clean and healthy body! Take care of yourself. Eat well, get enough sleep, and exercise regularly.

Maintaining a healthy relationship is definitely worth the effort it takes. Just consider how miserable you’ve been in past relationships gone wrong. Then remember how wonderful this woman has made you feel. The trick is to stay on top of it and never, ever take your partner or the relationship for granted. If you make your relationship your #1 priority, you have the best chance of a happy and fulfilling future together!