Christmas, and the seemingly endless commercial period leading up to Christmas, is one of the most, indeed, the most absurd institutions that society has inflicted on the vast majority of the civilized world. When you consider all sorts of stressful hurdles you have to go through in the months, but especially the weeks leading up to the Big Day, you need to be weak enough to give in to what society (primarily, but not exclusively, retailers) requires. It is a wonder that the civilized world is not collectively a society of idiots babbling the next day. Still, most happily and willingly jump through the same stressful hoops the following year, paying for the privilege.
1) FOOLISH RELIGIOUS
A) Christmas has to do with Christ. The odds that JC was born on December 25 are roughly 365.25 to 1. That’s because no one has the faintest idea what the actual date was. You won’t find it in the Bible, that’s for sure. The concept of a relationship between Christmas and JC was a hijacking by the Christian Church of the ancient “pagan” tradition of celebrating the winter solstice. Rather than fight the City Council, the church simply adopted that already established tradition for its own purposes. Any similarity to the really real reality is purely a matter of coincidence. That you swallow the hook, line, and sinker without any questioning, critical thinking, or actual study that there is a real relationship between the virgin birth (yes, that’s credible and not quite an original idea) of a supposed deity (whose authentic historical history can be questioned) who has not been seen in more than 2000 years, it is absurd.
B) For shopping malls and stores, such as supermarkets and department stories, not only to play Christmas music, but also Christmas music with a religious theme (that is, Christian) is absurd. Nativity scenes are often featured as well. That means that these commercial companies are in fact promoting one specific brand of religion exclusively over all others. While that might be appropriate for a church, it is not the right place in any multicultural society for commercial for-profit stores to endorse any type of religion. That they do so is another absurdity.
2) FOOD ABSURDITIES
A) On average, half of the food you buy for the holidays is thrown away. Now, is it that absurd or is it that absurd?
B) How many of you had ham or turkey for Christmas dinner? Why? Probably because your society and culture practically require you to eat traditional food, which means one of two options, plus the obligatory eggnog and plum pudding and mince pies, etc. So what about pizza, meatloaf, sirloin, Irish stew, mac and cheese, etc.? Why are you so a slave to someone else’s traditions? That’s absurd. I have established my own tradition, even several years is pizza for Christmas breakfast; spaghetti for Christmas dinner. In odd-numbered years, I invest both.
3) ABSURD DECORATION
Think of the sheer amount of time and energy that accumulates, rises and rises and eventually all those gaudy Christmas decorations go down, down and down. What is the point? And some people go so overboard, overboard, that you’d think they were trying to break into the Guinness Book of Records. Maybe they are! And haven’t we heard or read all those stories of those Christmas tree lights that were so overloaded that they shorted out, set the tree on fire, and burned down the house?
4) BRATS (Sorry, the Little Darlings) ABSURDITIES
It is absurd to be an ethical requirement to lie to your children (and anyone else’s children) about the reality of Santa.
5) FOOLS OF SANTA
Santa’s economic purpose is to install on brats (sorry, your little darlings) the concept of greed and a free lunch. The brats’ mantra: I want, I want, I want; give me give me give me; now now now. Why do you think shopping malls and department stores employ a Santa Claus? Hint: It has nothing to do with bells, but the jingle of coins transferred from your pockets to your cash registers, lots and lots of jingling coins (plus the rustle of paper money too). Of course, as an added insult, you have to pay to have a picture taken of your brats, sorry, your little darlings, sitting on Santa’s lap.
6) CHRISTMAS MUSIC ABSURDITIES
What you hear in the privacy of your own home is your business, but in the many, many, many weeks leading up to Christmas Day, you (and especially if you are a staff member of any supermarket or department store, etc.) are Endlessly bombarded with Christmas music from the malls, not to mention the out-of-tune brats (sorry, those dear little kids) on street corners who also see fit to serenade you with even more Christmas music. You can only handle so many versions of Jingle Bells, Deck the Halls, White Christmas, and The Little Drummer Boy (to mention just four songs out of a seemingly endless number of the Christmas repertoire of nonsense and musical mush).
7) FINANCIAL ABSURD
You spend huge amounts of money and energy preparing for an annual event that you most likely want society to just completely forget about.
8) TIME AND ENERGY ABSURDITIES
You spend more time preparing for an event once a year than that event itself occupies.
9) FAMILY, FRIENDS AND OTHER ABSURD RELATIONSHIPS
You spend “quality” time with family relationships that you wish were on the other side of the world and therefore could not infringe on your personal space, your time and your wallet.
You spend a lot of money that you would rather not spend on gifts for people you don’t give a damn about.
You send Christmas cards to many people who may care less; you get Christmas cards from people you don’t care about.
You get lots of gifts that are unwanted, useless, and have value just for the money you can get for them on eBay (and related).
10) INSINCERITY FOOLS
99.9% of people, mostly strangers and salespeople, who wish you a “Merry Christmas” are simply doing what they love and personally don’t give a damn if they drop dead on Christmas Day. That triples for the billions of “Merry Christmas” messages in the ads you see in the run-up to Christmas.
11) HEALTH ABSURDITIES
Would your blood pressure, stress levels, and overall mental health be in a better, healthier condition if you could put your feet up, ignore Christmas, and just watch the parade go by? Would your health improve if you hadn’t indulged in both the Christmas spirit and the spirits?
12) ABSURDITE BENEFICIARIES
Who benefits from Christmas? Well, clearly there are stories of various acts of kindness and self-sacrifice that come to the fore every Christmas. Now follow the money trail. Well, on the bright side, charities obviously get extra donations at Christmas. So much for the positive side! Well the post office and Christmas card makers benefit, especially since every year is a new year where everyone has to buy and post again (as opposed to, say, with Christmas decorations being repurposed year after year). Speaking of decorations, unless you use an artificial Christmas tree, real natural Christmas tree producers and sellers look forward to the Christmas season. Above all, the beneficiaries include all manufacturers and retailers of all those who will receive Christmas gifts. Face it, Christmas is about the economy and keeping people employed. Without Christmas (and to a lesser extent other exaggerated holidays such as Mother’s and Father’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Halloween, etc.) there would be an economic collapse that would make 1929 pale in comparison. In fact, from an appearance point of view, a good percentage of the news before Christmas deals with how much people spend; how well (or bad) retailers are doing. They certainly outnumber stories that focus on the religious or warmer, more fuzzy aspects of Christmas by a substantial proportion.
The absurd is the foundation of comedy, so as it were, I enjoy sitting back and relaxing and enjoying the human comedy that unfolds in front of me each Christmas season as all the good little sheep enacts the standard Christmas routines (including payment of invoices in January). It’s a comedy that watches all those members of society who take Christmas seriously and jump as high as they can when society snaps its fingers as Christmas approaches for yet another reason than absurd insanity.