[Player Wannabes: Please pass, go, don’t read this article. There is nothing for you here. This is good stuff for Nice and Good Guys Only]

I hope they’re gone! Now where were we?

If you’re having trouble finding the balance between being sensitive, kind, and respectful to women and being a guy that women find attractive and even irresistible, then chances are you’re a nice or good guy. You may have read and even tried some of the Aggressive Alpha Male Routines, but most of you just can’t bring yourself to treat women as disposable. So even though you love women and in many ways admire some of them, you find it hard to get out of the “good guy” frame of mind you find yourself in.

See if this sounds familiar?

A friend made an observation about me that I was unaware of. When we go out to a party he tells me that women tell him that I am very attractive but boring. His thinking is that what I do differently than most guys is that I don’t put off this ‘hunter’ vibe or energy that a lot of guys do. He frustrates me a lot because sometimes I feel like it’s a responsibility for him to try to come from a place of integrity and decency, since some guys just say and do what they want, regardless of the consequences. I guess being respectful and kind is confused with boring.

————————————————–

I’ve only had a couple of good connections with women, and that was a long time ago. What I’m going through now is a period of arrested development. It’s like the sexual component has somehow been taken out of me in recent years and I am now completely sexually invisible to women.

The only thing I DO feel like I lose every time something doesn’t work for me is hope, which in turn leads to a lot of anger, resentment and bitterness towards women, it’s really a vicious cycle. Having said that, in a way, I have been a fool to myself and have lived in denial of my situation. I think I somehow transformed into this place.

———————————————

Ok, I want to make this clear up front. The “cool guys” women want to marry aren’t the “bad guys” who are bad for bad’s sake. You know who: The guy with the kicking bad attitude who walks up to a woman, looks her up and down with transparent intent, and approaches her with the sass of a ’60s pimp. Yeah, that classless, soulless one. . [Excuse me for going off again. I just can’t hide my dislike for players and their wannabes].

Many women are worth the time of day. [unlike one night stand types] I can’t stand these guys either. The dream boy of him is the sensitive, caring, respectful and considerate boy with a dash of “bad boy” traits.

[I see the look… but whatever!]

Whether you accept it or not, many women are attracted to certain traits, most abundant in Bad Boys and often offered by Bad Boys. There is simply no denying it!

But what exactly is it that turns women on and why? Chances are that you, Mr. Nice Guy/Nice Guy, have all of these “bad guy” traits and don’t realize how truly “bad” you are.

1: A bad boy makes his own rules

You must feel that you are being ostracized by society because you do not meet the requirements of what is considered an “alpha male.” And I’m sure that makes you feel like you’re constantly being judged by a standard you can never meet. Most bad boys grew up feeling like they didn’t “fit the box” either. The difference between a bad boy and a good boy (like you) is that he has learned to survive in a harsh world that constantly judges and rejects him because he doesn’t meet society’s standard of a “nice guy.”

TIP 1 – Set your own dating rules and walk to the beat of your own drum. Women, like all other animals, consider those of the opposite sex who show great survival skills superior. Watching a man wake up every morning, stay strong, claim his right, take chances, risk his life even in hostile environments is just borderline sexy. Show that you have your life in order and enjoy being alive.

2: A bad boy is nobody’s punk and nobody’s pawn

One of the reasons you get labeled a nice guy is because you respect women and treat them with the respect they (hopefully) deserve. It’s the reason, you’ve been told, that women leave you for Bad Boys. That’s very true. But what they may not have told you is that women want to be respected and treated with respect, but they don’t find doormats attractive; doormats are for dusting off our shoes.

TIP 2 – Stand up for yourself, sometimes look her in the eye and draw the line in the sand when necessary. A steel core that isn’t easily manipulated and compromised with the things that matter is attractive, very. But this shouldn’t be something you do as a complaining victim, but something you do calmly, rationally, and assertively, and about things that really matter.

3: A bad boy does not pretend to be a saint

We know that you are the “good” guys. You don’t have to try as hard to prove how “good” you are. That little puppy (“please, please, love me”) trying so hard to please is too good to fail. There is a limit to the “sweetness” a woman can take before throwing up or exploding.

TIP 3 – Be real with us, that’s all we ask of you. The act of the “romantic saint” gets old very quickly. We want to see you accept yourself for who you are: the good, the bad, and the ugly. A guy who accepts himself as he is, will hardly criticize our own mistakes, setbacks, weaknesses, scars and warts so harshly because he knows that he is not perfect either.

4: A bad boy is never afraid to stand up for what he thinks is right

If you’re a good guy (not angry and all), there must be a part of you that strongly believes in right and wrong, which is why you find it hard to treat women in a mean and demeaning way. It’s just wrong, right? Now, whether you agree with the bad guys’ sense of right and wrong or not, you have to give it up for these guys for sticking with it. Having the conviction to do what you think is right, no matter the cost, is probably one of the most attractive traits out there.

TIP 4 – Stand up for us, all the time. Every woman (even those who claim to be independent and self-sufficient) wants to know that her man will stand up for her if anyone tries to mess with her (even if he’s a political freak). Seeing you in the role of “protector” makes her feel “safe” with you and around you. [“Safe” is good when she feels it but bad when you are playing it].

5: A bad boy can handle ANY situation

Good boys and responsible boys are united. That’s good. But don’t be responsible for some things and it disappears like a pound in ink when it comes to making tough decisions. We want to make our own decisions, but it doesn’t feel right to make all the hard decisions and you just go along with what we say without any helpful input or challenge. If we decide we want a dog, we’ll get one, but when we want a man in the house, we mean ONE MAN in the house.

TIP 5 – Step up and take charge of difficult situations. suggest solutions; propose new ideas and make things happen. Sometimes it’s good to have someone else make the tough decisions and act without being told, ordered, or scolded. If you can’t be the kind of MAN we want, it’s hard for us to be the kind of woman you’re looking for. We like our men confident and capable. It’s that easy.

6: A bad boy never tries to avoid the painful consequences of his own actions

One quality that we women like in most nice guys is that they are sensitive, always thinking about the consequences of their words and actions. The downside of this is that many of you are also depressingly over-cautious, emotionally timid, and over-eager, always wondering when or what will set us off. We appreciate the sensitivity, but we don’t want too much.

TIP 6 – Stop acting like the victim in all situations. If there is a tangle of emotions that need to be addressed, deal with them directly. He may complain a bit, but at the end of the day you took care of it and he will respect you more for it. Shifting your thinking from a pessimistic/fear-based style to a self-empowering/optimistic one can even help you snap out of your own depression.

7: A Bad Boy has several twists and turns (and a few surprises)

If there’s one thing women know about Nice Guys, it’s that they’re reliable and consistent. They’re also so consistently predictable that we can almost read their (boring) minds. When one knows everything, there is nothing left to discover. No more surprises, no more wonders, no more passions.

TIP 7 – Be consistent — consistently intriguing. Add some mix, shake things up a bit, and do something unexpected and unpredictable. When you’re like a romance novel; Packed with action and enough delicious suspense, intrigue, excitement, and passion to make a woman turn the pages, we hang on to her every word because we know that with every page we turn, we always discover feelings (and abilities) in ourselves that they were unaware before.

8: A bad boy believes in himself and his sex appeal

Our society has somehow managed to divorce “nice guys” from their sexuality: good = boring, bad = sexy. What we have now are men who want to be seen as “good men” but are afraid and even feel guilty and ashamed of their own sexual nature. You know what I mean: you see other guys as prettier, sexier, and more attractive, but you… never good enough. Bad boys have none of that. They don’t compare themselves to the “nice guys” or try to be who they are not. They love to be the “bad” boys.

TIP 8 – Stop the comparison game and start believing in yourself. Nice/nice guys are quality boyfriend/husband material, and you better believe that. In fact, repeat after me: “I’m a good catch!” Say to yourself, even if you’re not feeling particularly encouraged or brave, “I’m a catch!” You may not be the prettiest or smartest guy in town, but you have a good heart, a sound mind, and good energy. Give yourself permission to exude inner strength, confidence, and self-assurance. There is nothing sexier than a man who believes in himself and isn’t afraid to unleash his unique individual sex appeal.

You’re not going to live forever, so why not walk out with a big smile on your face? Hmm?