This is more of a confession than a manual on how to steal boyfriends, however feel free to use it however you like.

I always thought I was a model girlfriend but after seeing this sexy top I realize I’m just a boyfriend stealer, end of story.

I have recently been working to correct this defect, although I am taking some time to progress through the usual methods of going cold turkey and therapy.

It is an immensely difficult habit to break. Although I do feel some guilt associated with my behavior, it has not always been my direct intention to steal from said boyfriend/husband. I am fighting a ‘subconscious thought pattern’ (so my therapist says). Those nasty little critters are almost impossible to spot.

I think it stems from the belief that all men are inherently cheaters who cannot be trusted! You might say this is harsh, but I speak not only as a former thief, but as a good friend to many cheating boyfriends. There’s nothing like the inside scoop on a friend to open your eyes to their true nature.

There is also, of course, something very tempting about someone else’s chosen partner. This tempting aspect isn’t a conscious thought process on my part (most of the time I’m not sure they’re already taken), but rather an innate ability to detect that the guy in question is, in fact, a ‘boyfriend’.

They have generally been selected with some care and attention to detail. Kind of like a funny t-shirt that you wouldn’t look twice before seeing on a hot guy. Or a pair of second-hand sexy tank tops that could only get ‘that look’ after many washes and wears by some diligent fashionista.

I’ll start with the coworker. This one is easy to handle, perfect for a beginner, especially if your partner isn’t also a colleague.

First, you need to get their attention from across the desk/lobby/office and smile to let them know they’ve been noticed. However, you’ll need neutral territory to start a conversation, if you don’t already have a chance to talk to them during your average workday.

The staff dining room and water cooler are great spots. No one will feel like their space has been invaded and there is also a definite beginning and end to any conversation in one of these settings. There’s nothing worse than standing there in your sexy t-shirt looking like a jerk; your mouth open with nothing to say and no easy way to end the experience. Delicacy is essential.

Once you’ve established a relationship in the staff dining room, perhaps you can find out when they regularly have lunch and ‘just’ run into them there a couple of times. It’s important to keep it light and friendly at this point. If possible, make sure there are others around. You don’t want the poor soul to feel persecuted!

This should naturally progress to going out for an after work drink at the local pub or bar.

A night out with the boys is always a good entry into the world of friendship. This way, he will feel comfortable dating you and reduce his immediate feelings of guilt if he mentions his current girlfriend. That being said, you should never ask to be invited if it’s a ‘guys only’ night, but I advocate accidentally bumping into them at the preferred venue. It’s always better to have a friend to meet or a good excuse to be around. You don’t want him to know just how enthusiastic you are.

The next step is a departure on a weekend or non-working day. The hospitality industry is great for this because of shift work. This means that there is a greater chance that you will not have the same days off as the current girlfriend. By now you should know what he is attracted to; If you don’t, you’re a lost cause and I want nothing more to do with you.

Be fun, uncomplicated, attractive, and don’t nag! It’s a sock! They are all simple creatures and I am sure they will know what to do when the time comes.

Whatever you do, avoid meeting the current girlfriend, who is usually very nice and beautiful. This does not represent any advantage and may even hinder you. You don’t want to start feeling sorry for the blighter, or worse, they might become friends! Absolutely never wear this http://www.brownturtle.com/index.php?command=customize&design_id=61&g=womens sexy top to the event.

To my next favorite selection group; OOTs (Out-of-towners) are the kids who travel to another city or country to participate in a special event. The event can be anything from a major birthday party to a mate’s bachelor party night. Bachelor parties aren’t my preference though, they’re too messy, but a nice birthday celebration or even an engagement party is a prime place to meet that OOTBF. They are usually ready to party and play while the CGF is safe in another city and unlikely to meet the crowd at the party (which is why she isn’t there).

OOTs will tell you frankly that they are taken and expect you to respect them. She must pretend to respect him, asking relevant and interested questions about her partner.

Once you have some ammunition in the form of information about said partner, you need to show that you’re not like that at all, and then show how much fun you are by being funny and showing off some kind of short temper.

These guys especially don’t want to meet you if you’re a prude. Check out this fun t-shirt http://www.brownturtle.com/index.php?command=customize&design_id=29.

It’s better if you leave the event with a group rather than alone; you want everyone else in the group to be too drunk to remember anything. You are then free to make up your own order of events in the morning, after surreptitiously finding out what everyone else did.

You must make your move from the next location, BUT only AFTER the midnight goodnight call from the current girlfriend! It depends on it; She will know exactly what time it is wherever the OOTBF is. It will be completely useless until this obstacle has been overcome. It would be wise at this point to suggest that you turn off your phone, but he’ll probably be way ahead of you anyway.

He should leave if his reputation is seriously compromised, with his shirt on, of course.

ALWAYS remember that a girl’s best friend is her reputation!!!!!!!!

If you are happy with the information provided above and think you could use it on your next victim, I wish you good luck and all the happiness! You don’t need to read any further.

However, if you’re thinking, this girl isn’t very nice, in fact she could be downright awful, I have something more to say in my defense!

I really am (truly I am) just a sweet and simple girl, check out my photo in this sexy t-shirt http://www.brownturtle.com/index.php?command=customize&design_id=61&g=womens with a head full of romantic notions, but a slightly jaded and cynical perspective, brought about by my very rich life experiences.

The moral of the story ladies is that human relationships are complicated enough without having to question the opposite sex and add a lot of complicated rules to the game.

I think the correct term from economists is ‘free market’ – focus on your own happiness and it should invariably lead to that of the people around you.

In other words, save yourself who can!