You sense it right away, booking an appointment by phone.

The person on the other end of the phone is efficient, if not a bit gruff. With every second there seems to be more urgency in his voice. You feel like you are being intentionally troublesome to them, even though you are diligently polite.

Then comes the statement confirming that it really is all your fault: “Well, we’re not really getting anywhere here, are we?” It’s like they’re saying, “You’re a very difficult person to help!”

You can be forgiven for thinking, “Okay, you’re a customer service officer and you just told me it’s my fault. I thought there was a rule against that, even if it occasionally happens that, at least in this situation, I, the customer, am wrong!

It’s like the moment when you really run out of words, and all that escapes you is a “wow!” deliberately puzzled.

But I have found a better way to deal with these situations. It’s foolproof if you can only play the part.

The role requires the humility that can remain in the role of being wrong; of being the problem; to understand how frustrating the experience must be for them; to put yourself in their shoes.

What a blessing it is to be able to sit in the role of being wrong and not be bothered about it.

Somehow it brings peace to the relationship. We can gloss over his rudeness, because, let’s face it, you may never speak to this person again. It is not our purpose to teach them manners because, frankly, they would balk at any piece of advice we might give them. The only way they will be educated is through an otherworldly technique that we learn from the Gospel of Jesus, described in the 12th chapter of the book of Romans.

There is nothing new under the sun. This will always work if we only have the poise of a humble heart to implement it. It requires a sincere heart that does not bother to be wronged, for it is by being wronged wrongfully that God truly acquits us. Nothing sticks when we refuse to fight.

This is how the rest of the chat worked out: having worked out a date and time that actually worked for me, I was very happy that the date and time were decided. Then I just said, “Thank you for putting up with me; thank you for your patience.”

Was he patient? No, of course she wasn’t. Did it matter that he was impatient? Not really. She could take it. What do you think now of hearing me say, “Thank you for his patience”? She might think, “Damn right!” or she might think, “How did she respond to me so well even after I scolded her?” She may think something completely different, but her grace has given her space to reflect on my behavior.

What I have found is this. Having a humble, friendly and peaceful attitude is not difficult. It’s a decision, and, understand this, protect my heart. And when my heart is protected, theirs is protected too. I don’t hurt them. Its damage is stopped dead when I take no offense.

Only when you go into a situation prepared to be seen as bad or weak do you offer that situation the strength of peace.

There’s nothing like being in an interaction where someone else’s behavior doesn’t affect ours.