“Just a simple wedding” – sometimes it can start like that. This is the plan; get married, spend only what is necessary, and then work out the nitty-gritty details of living together, spending life together, working, saving, planning for a family, and enjoying your time together.

“It has to be the wedding of my dreams”, and it can start like that too. The bride and groom can be optimistic about the cost, planning ahead and deciding that yes, they can afford a beautifully designed wedding that is unique and perfect for them.

But in both scenarios, the final cost of the wedding can come as a huge surprise.

Little things add up to big things

The problem often arises when “little extras” are added, often without incorporating the cost of those extras into the running total. Brides and grooms can say yes to those extras because they seem so cheap, just a few dollars more than the total (particularly in the context of the total!).

But many of those little extras have to be thought of in terms of multiplying them by the total number of guests.

Then another little extra will be added because it looks so beautiful or adds just the right touch.

And then another little extra because the bridesmaids and groomsmen really need to be properly thanked.

Then another extra because it combines very well with this or that.

And then another, and then another, and before you know it, those little extras have blown up the original expense to the point that it’s become financially difficult to manage the whole thing.

Looking beautiful: personal spending that can get out of control

Tradition says that the family of the bride (although today it is usually the bride herself) pays for the wedding dress. While some brides opt for the less expensive options, many don’t, and of course, all brides want to feel beautiful on their wedding day.

If the wedding dress is going to be a major expense, the bride needs to sit down and calmly think about all the expenses involved in her appearance. Will she wear a veil? What jewelry will she wear? (Will this be an additional expense or will she be wearing jewelry that she already owns?) What shoes? What underwear? What makeup? (Will this be done professionally?) What hairstyle? (Again, will this be done professionally?)

What about the headdresses and makeup of your assistants? (It’s normal for the bride or the bride’s family to pay for this, although bridesmaids are traditionally expected to buy their own dresses.) What about gifts for the bridesmaids and gifts for the groom?

The bride should decide on the budget before spending even a penny on any of these. It is absolutely fatal for the budget to start “impulse buying” anything related to the wedding.

Carding expenses, Photography, Reception and more

Not to mention the stationery (cards – engagement party invitations, wedding invitations, thank you letters, business cards, order of ceremony or order of service), newspaper advertisements, trousseau, bouquets for bridesmaids, bachelorette party or equivalent, musicians’ fees, additional entertainers’ fees, costs related to decorating the wedding venue, wedding venue rental, photographs (and video if also chosen), a wedding ring for the groom if he’s going to wear one, wedding transportation (to and from the ceremony and reception), and the big one: the reception (venue, food, and drink). All of these are traditionally paid for by the bride’s family or by the bride herself.

That does not mean that the groom does not have expenses, on the contrary.

From bouquets to honeymoons

Traditionally, the groom or the groom’s family is expected to pay for the groom’s attire, groomsmen accessories (boutonnieres, ties, gloves, etc.), groomsmen gifts (and ushers as well) , the fee for the Registered Marriage Celebrant, gifts for the parents of the bride and groom, flowers for the mother of the bride and mother of the groom, flowers for the bride (corset, bouquet, etc.), the wedding ring engagement (of course), the bride’s wedding ring, the cost of the engagement party and the cost of the honeymoon.

Decide what is necessary

It makes sense to stop and think before spending ANY money: what is really necessary? And who is going to pay what?

Remember that the above costs are traditional: it is not unusual to find the families of the bride and groom agreeing to split the costs in half, or for a family more able to bear the cost to pay more than the other family. If both the bride and groom have been working for a considerable amount of time, then again, it’s not unusual for both of them to be able to foot the costs between themselves rather than their families paying.

However, the costs must be paid, nothing must be purchased, not even a single invitation card, without planning the budget beforehand. You can do without some things. Some things can be made instead of bought. Some things can be splurged; some things can be saved. Some things, while beautiful, are simply not necessary if it means cutting back on other, more essential things.

What is the most important thing in a wedding?

Speaking as a Marriage Celebrant, it should come as no surprise that I firmly believe that by far the most important thing is the ceremony itself: its structure, the vows, the wording of the ceremony, the creation and sculpting of the various elements (music, readings, other ceremonial aspects) of the ceremony to create something unique and perfect for the couple. Any celebrant may appear, smile, say the necessary legal words, and then pronounce the couple as husband and wife. For a simple ceremony that focuses primarily on just getting married, there are inexpensive options like what I call “Simple Standard Ceremonies”: the basic ceremony booked in the Marriage Celebrant’s office with brief but meaningful vows.

For a ceremony that aims to exemplify the importance and beauty of vows through sight and sound, as well as legality, a top-notch Wedding Celebrant is more important than anything else.

No two celebrants will create the same ceremony, carry it out in the same way, leave the same memories for the couple. That’s why it’s important for couples with this type of ceremony in mind to research registered marriage celebrants to find the quality, style, and creativity that best suit them.

The place is also important, the clothing is important, the artists or the music chosen… everything is important. But how everything is woven together regarding the VOTES is by far the most important thing.

Ten years from now, when you think about your wedding, do you think you’ll remember the color of the bridesmaids’ bouquets more vividly? Or the taste of the dessert at the reception? Or the style of the invitations? Will the memory of the horse and carriage that brought them to the wedding venue be what will keep that day alive in their hearts?

Of course it won’t be… It will be the vows, how they looked into each other’s eyes and the promises were made, how the vows were part of a ceremony that was presented with warmth and softness and meaning, how each word added to the brilliance of the promise of that day, how everything from the music to the poetry to the moment you heard the words, “You can kiss the bride,” were woven into a wonderful memory of love and commitment.

Where can you cut corners?

If your total budget for your dream wedding has you desperate, start with the things you’d really love to have but absolutely don’t need to have. You may find it more helpful to first identify what is NOT optional and identify whether or not it can justify cutting back on essential expenses. Will it affect the most important thing if it does, or won’t it? Circle the five things that matter most to you and work from there.

You’ll find that it works wonders for keeping your wedding ceremony within a reasonable and workable budget, so you don’t start your marriage with unmanageable debt that puts a strain on your relationship. Remember, if you spend TOO MUCH on making it look pretty, you are in danger of forgetting that the heart of any wedding has nothing to do with the color of the aisle ribbons or the chairs – it’s all about the words and the promise and love