I wake up with “Koko died, Koko died, Koko died”. My husband tells me this with tears in his eyes. Our beloved and handsome 10-year-old Maine Coon, Kokopelli, has died… too young. Kokopelli, Koko Pop, Koko Lo-mo-po, Popster, Big Dude and Koko Smelly (when he was a baby he often had diarrhea). I’m assuming he died of cardiomyopathy, a genetic heart defect often found in Maine Coons. As a woman of a certain age, I have lost many pets in my life. I can still name most of them… Corkie, our first dog, then we had a series of Siamese cats, then came a chihuahua named Putsem, a derivation of the Czech words meaning come here. Then I had Fat Cat, Weenie, Scaredy Cat, Frisky and Maggie, and of course Koko. I still have Bocce, a Main Coon and Koko and Bella Blue’s brother, a Siamese mix. Even in my twilight years, I will have pets, but I will have a plan for them. I certainly don’t want them to end up in a shelter. So, here are some thoughts:

The cycle of life… As you can see, I have a long history of having pets. So, one would think that after a while one would get a little “tougher” in dealing with the death of a pet. But, for me, it has become more difficult. Maybe it’s because I no longer have all the other things you go through in life taking up space in my emotions. No crying kids, no demanding bosses, no nagging money problems. Or is it because I see myself now, as a woman of a certain age, perhaps a cat’s life away from my own journey to heaven? A friend of mine is a desperate counselor. When I asked him why, as we get older, it becomes more difficult for him to lose a pet. He gave two reasons. The first was that as we get older, we become more emotional. And second, as we move into the world of work and/or parenting, we go from spending 2-3 hours of split time with our pets and then when we retire to being 24/7 with our pets.

Guilt… There is one case in my life, regarding my pets, that I still feel very bad about. It has to do with my two cats Fat Cat and Weenie. I was divorcing my first husband and had accepted a new job in another city. I was moving from a house to an apartment. I didn’t have two cents to rub together. In my new job I would be traveling a lot. So what did this mean for me and my cats? I didn’t have the deposit to pay the apartment complex for the cats nor did I have anyone to take care of them when I was away. So, I convinced my future ex-husband to take them. I never saw them again and I didn’t ask about them. I was too busy with my new life. I have a feeling he… doesn’t matter.

I have learned CPR for animals… Yes, there is such a thing. My husband tried to resuscitate Koko but he apparently died sometime during the night. I found this video on YouTube.com on how to perform CPR on his cat. It’s basically the same for dog lovers. It only lasts one minute and 17 seconds: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCj0VEjGYxc. It can help you save your pet’s life.

This post is probably a disappointment for you. Is for me. But it’s just one more step in my grieving process. I ordered his cremation urn and made a trampoline to celebrate his life. Koko had a beautiful life and she gave us so much joy and love. The loss of my big boy will leave a void in my life for a long time…