Sometimes your spouse can drive you up the wall. In fact, if your husband is anything like mine, they park you next to the trim at least twice a day. In brutal moments of psychotic madness, you might even try to find ways to convince him to tie blocks to his feet and jump into the river. DO NOT DO IT! No matter how good an idea it may seem when you’re collapsing in hysterical fits and under stress, murdering your husband is never a good idea. In fact, here are ten reasons why it’s such a rotten plan.

10. The insurance company won’t pay if you kill him, so you’ll end up having to work two jobs to pay the rent.

9. If you think he never helps with the housework now, wait until they bury him. Odds are good you’ll never fold laundry at that point.

8. The kids might drive you crazy now, but imagine how much crazier you’ll get without their dad to wind them up, supposedly burning up all the energy, right before bed.

7. Neon orange jumpsuits make your complexion look gross. There is no way around that.

6. And if you think your husband hogs the hot water right now, wait until you have to shower with ten or fifteen other prisoners at the same time.

5. Lawyers’ fees are even more expensive than golf and boating expenses. That’s why lawyers like to play golf and go boating.

4. If you try and fail and make up, and then a one-armed man chases your husband, the police will most likely blame you and make you yell, “It wasn’t me! It was the one-armed man.” “. !” They’ll think you’ve seen too many movies and ignore your alibi.

3. Not to mention the fact that assassination attempts generally make you less likely to reconcile your differences. Counseling is probably less complicated.

2. Then there’s all the stress of finding an alibi. Even though as a wife you feel like you’re always doing two, or ten, things at once, chances are you can’t commit murder AND do your hair at the same time.

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON NOT TO KILL YOUR HUSBAND:

1. Come on, you know you love him. Sure, he can be an annoying nuisance at times, but you married him for a reason. You probably get under his skin just as often. Work it out and save yourself the stress of trying to plan a funeral from jail.